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The sayings of Montgomery Burns

Mr. Burns: "I'll bide my time. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Mr. Burns: "Look Smithers, a blue-collar bar. Let's go slumming."

Mr. Burns: "This is the type of trickery I pay you for."

Mr. Burns, after turning on his lamp: "Ahh!! 60 watts?
What do you think this is, a tanning salon!?!"

Mr. Burns: "What good is money if you can't use it to strike fear into the hearts of men."

Mr. Burns: "It's ironic, that this anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes
has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed,
I would be the one to go to jail! That's democracy for you."

Mr. Burns: "Oh, so mother nature needs a favor?
Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us
with droughts and floods and poison monkeys."

Mr. Burns: "I don't have the strength to take it out on you, Smithers."

Mr. Burns: "I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship.
These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

Mr. Burns: "Cheating is the gift man gives himself."

Mr. Burns: "My voice is giving out so I'm going to poke you for an hour or two."

Mr. Burns: "You sold weapon-grade plutoneum to the Iraqies without a mark up."

Mr Burns: "Oh, yes, sitting---the great leveler.
From the mighiest pharoh to the lowliest peasant,
who doesn't enjoy a good sit?"

Mr. Burns: "Restore my office, cancel all repairs,
and rehire that chap (Homer Simpson) who sassed me in the bar."
Smithers: "But why?"
Mr. Burns: "Because I keep my friends close, and my enemies even closer."

Smithers: "There is a small boy on the grounds."
Mr. Burns: "Release the hounds."

Mr. Burns: "Oh! The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire."

Mr. Burns: "The foul stench of youth."

Mr. Burns: "I don't like being outdoors, Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children."

Mr. Burns: "Well, I say cheating is a gift man gives himself."

Mr. Burns: "I'm a powerful man, Simpson. I can walk into McDonalds, order soup, and they make it."

Mr. Burns: "Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free."

Mr. Burns: "I need someone that laughs at all my jokes. You know, honest feedback."

Prison guard snaps on a rubber glove: "Time for a cavity search."
Mr. Burns: "I haven't had a cavity in years."
Prison guard: "I'm not talking about your teeth."
Mr. Burns: "Nor was I."

Email me your comments or questions cal@callycumla.com

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